Leaving was created during the second round of assignments at Tapestry’s 2011 LIBLAB. For this assignment we composers were encouraged to follow the lead of the authors with whom we were paired, as they were given essentially free reign to write about whatever they wanted. Sharon Bajer bravely shared with me her experience battling postpartum depression after her first child was born and the impossible choices she faced in order to be able to overcome it. She shared the difficulty in being able to communicate effectively with her partner through words and we talked more generally of how sometimes words always fall short of expressing properly the world of emotions.

When I received the completed text and began setting it, the central theme for me was always about this idea of effectively communicating emotions. The real tragedy in Leaving is not protagonist Simone’s battle with postpartum depression but rather how it results in a total breakdown of communication between her and her partner. Sharon’s text deliberately leaves room for silences as Simone seems to be in a perpetual search for the proper vocabulary to express her feelings and motivations. I used this as an opportunity to allow the accompaniment to embark on lengthy musical excursions with the aim of expressing these unsaid emotions on Simone’s behalf: a blend of abandonment, disappointment, guilt, shame, entrapment, longing, confusion, and, perhaps counterintuitively, apathy.

The morning before the presentations I had the opportunity to give Sharon a brief preview of the music and, upon hearing the introductory chords to the aria she remarked, “yes! That chord! That chord is depression.” Then she hugged me and I knew then that we had successfully bridged the gap in communication.

- Darren J